What to do if you have lost God?
The man I see in the mirror is no longer who I was made to be…
Something like a glimmer is missing in the pupils and the bright light that shone through my ribcage no longer shines as bright.
Walking without moving, sleeping without dreaming, eating without nourishment.
I have become a shell of a shell of a shell that anticipates a future no greater than a prison without walls.
My journey is that of a man with a map lost on a trail… Destiny fully understood but overwhelmed by the obstacles that separate point here from point there.
There is where I should be.
That is who I should be.
I am not myself.
I must escape.
People taking without giving makes me a hollow man.
A bitter reflection of the unbalanced flow of energy.
Momma always told me to give more than I take and I’m beginning to think that she planned my suicide.
Mind stretched so thin…
Body stretched so thin with heart and bones becoming elastic rubber like used tires… Meant to move but with nothing more to give
I feel like I have lost God
Like an eclipse masked by the clouds, this cycle of evolution is to be missed…
But does that mean that it is not still happening?
Does that mean that the universe with all its elements that reside in my 5 foot 10 inch frame are separate and unconnected?
Confusion is the illusion that continues to taunt me in the light.
Its funny how more stories are told in the dark, more understanding comes from the absence to me than in the light… So I sleep.
Hoping to escape myself through dream, REM sleep and a will to break through the inner prison that my godlike self resides.
What to do if you have lost God?
Vessel over the horizon but still there…
Object in the darkness but still present…
Out of sight but still residing in the memory of DNA like I knew who I am but not really.
If God be all things then what does that make me?
As my heartaches and stomach turn at the pain of lacerations from the past, I gaze up into the sky that God painted herself just for me right before the glowing disk that keeps me warm, selflessly, goes beyond the horizon…
I am moved by the simple gesture posed as a colorful riddle above me. Like if I didn’t look up, would my life at this moment be the same. Quiet but speaking volumes as oranges bleed into violet, blood red drips behind the clouds as the sun screams through. It is as if I am being playfully taunted by my own ignorance.
What to do if you have lost God?
The elements that make us who we are, limited by the periodic table of elements neatly juxtaposed, analyzed and described are in a way a coding for us as expressions of God.
Part of a whole,
Not brick in the wall but the earth that birthed the clay… Fire that solidified and crystallized the thought, and the building itself that housed the dream.
We are beings of infinite possibility limited only by our own thoughts.
How silly we are to make mustard out of the seed without appreciating the universe within.
Take time to take time to take time to think and drink of the purity of knowledge within… If we just listen… Like the 8 tracks that play through the rhythm of our heart beat keeping the flow as we must… Keeping time while we are free to live timelessly.
What to do if you have lost God?
FIND YOURSELF…
